Your Inner Security Guard discusses SCARF

Hi, I'm your inner Security Guard - if we haven't yet met here's my introduction.

In this article I want to talk about an easy way to remember some of the things that put me on high alert - SCARF*

Status

Certainty

Autonomy

Relatedness

Fairness

As you know by now, putting me on high alert comes with a price, so it's good to know what sets me off (in yourself and other people), and how you can counteract it and settle me down again. Let's run through those in a bit more detail. 

Status

We've already looked at this one in some detail here. 

Certainty

I like my world to be predictable, to know just what I'm dealing with. Anything unexpected will put me on alert. After all 'it' might be something in the jungle about to kill you. I only get one chance to be wrong so I will always shoot first and ask questions afterwards. If you've had a big shock, something major that has hit you from left field, remember it will take me time to settle down again, and maybe some focused relaxation exercises. If a series of different big things has come at you from different angles in quick succession then I will stay on high vigilance for a long time. On a day to day level you can help keep other people's security guards chilled by remembering to keep them informed about things that affect them. Calling a meeting? Say what's on the agenda. Need to address a tricky issue? Don't blindside them - give them a chance to come prepared. 

Autonomy

I really appreciate having some control over the things that affect me. Getting boxed into a corner puts me into high alert mode. Being micromanaged is stressful because I need some choice about the way I order my desk, my day, etc. If I have to do things someone else's way for reasons of safety, collaboration, etc then it will help if I understand the reasons and don't just feel pushed about. Low status and lack of autonomy often go hand in hand, so if you take away my autonomy I'll suspect you of disrespecting me too. 

Relatedness

Back in your Stone Age days your chances of survival were approximately zero without the protection of your tribe. So I notice very quickly when anything puts your membership of your tribe at risk. Being 'sent to Coventry' isn't a minor irritation it's a serious punishment. So is being ignored or rejected, left out of the loop, not treated with the common courtesies. Any of these might signal that you are about to be thrown out to the mercy of big bad predators and I can't abide that so will send you big loud warning signals. Everyone is on the lookout for little reassuring signals that we safely belong - dish them out regularly all round.

Fairness

You only have to watch a pair of two year olds arguing over something that is unfair to see how hard wired we are for fairness. Makes sense really. Back in your tribal days you needed to keep tabs on the give and take of each relatinship otherwise someone might rip you off and you would end up with no food and die. We use money as a currency for a lot of our transactions these days, but you're still hard wired for fairness, for give and take. If someone breaches that I will be sure to let you know. The tricky bit is there is no universally agreed tariff here so it's easy to end up with a whole bunch of people each feeling hard done by and unfairly treated - what we call a 'lose lose' situation. 

Handling SCARF impacts in yourself and others. Can you do any of the following?

• Say to your SG "Thanks for trying to keep me safe, I understand why you're upset, but this really isn't life threatening - Mr X just treats everyone like that, it's nothing personal"
• Counterbalance it with something to calm your SG down - putting something in the other side of the balance. No control in one area? Actively appreciate it in another. One relationship on the rocks? Nurture another. 
• Practise a general calming/relaxation technique.
• Can you remove the offending issue directly for yourself? (not often possible, but worth asking)
• Identify what your SG is upset about and ask the relevant other person for a specific positive behaviour change (eg noticing I get anxious before a meeting, recognising uncertainty as the trigger, asking to have an agenda 48 hours in advance).
• If you see someone else in your orbit is stressed, mentally run through your own SCARF behaviours in your dealings with them and see where you could set their SG a bit more at ease.

More from your Security Guard here.   

*I am indebted to David Rock for this mnemonic. Read more in his excellent book Your Brain at Work.